There are so many things going through my head right now about this conversation on marriage that we are having.

I don’t think I have anything to add that hasn’t already been said, so I’ll relate a small revelation I had last night while sitting on the couch with my husband.

It’s a simple thing really, but it is kind of far-reaching for me.  We were sitting there, watching a show that we both enjoy.  As we sat there, he was caressing my forearm.  Nothing sexual…just sort of letting his fingertips go back and forth.

Normally, I would have taken it as being a signal from him.  And there may have been any number of negative reactions that I would have had.  None that I would have outwardly allowed him to see of course, but inside, yuck.

Last night however, I did something that never would have occurred to me before.  I relaxed and allowed myself to feel his touch AND feel pleasure from it.  I stopped worrying about what might or might not be expected later and just simply let myself be in the moment.  To be honest, that little caress made me feel…cherished.  My heart melted and oh how quickly the “possibilites” for later became desirable.

It was then I began to realize how little I allow myself to feel pleasure from my husband’s overtures and advances.  I saw that I am constantly in defense mode.  I began to notice this subtle and seductive tape playing over and over in my head that told me I’m not pretty enough for him.  I’m not good enough, skinny enough, sexy enough…you get the picture.

I was a little shocked.  I honestly had no idea how deeply into my subconcious that style of thinking had affected me. 

I could go on about this, but I think you know what I’m talking about.  Probably because the Lord has been prompting you in this area.  Well ladies, may I join in with His sweet voice and encourage you today to simply stop?  Today when you’re with your husband…stop your brain.  Allow yourself to feel his love and affection.  Stop worrying about your worth.  Love never worries about it so why should you?

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